Measure of a Man
by Nicky4
Summary: Vicky finds Norm's lava lamp in her instruments of torture. What would an evil babysitter do with three rule free wishes?


Disclaimer: I do not now nor have I ever owned the Fairly Odd Parents or any of their incidental properties. If you think that I do please share whatever it is that you are smoking.

Measure of a Man

Vicky swore to herself after accidentally dropping her medieval flail head on her hand. "Why is it so difficult to find the perfect torture device for the twerp?" Vicky would normally eschew any kind of hard work but when it came to torturing Timmy Turner only the best would do, almost could never be good enough for him.

Vicky returned to her closet of Earthly delights what she called her armory of torture instruments. Whips, chains, studded chocker; nah she thought too advanced even for the twerp but maybe later. What else, rack, breaking on the wheel, lava lamp. Lava lamp! "What the heck is this doing here? I hate stuff from the seventies. Disco sucked, and still does!"

Vicky looked the lamp over noting that it was dusty. "Maybe I should have the twerp clean it." Vicky laughed at the thought of Timmy forced to dust a stupid piece of 1970's kitsch when she accidentally rubbed some of the dust off herself. Much to her shock the lava lamp shock violently and issued forth a genie.

"I am Norm the Genie, yadda, yadda, what's your wish?"

Vicky stared dumbfounded at the apparition before her. "I want a sandwich."

Norm sighed, "How did I know that was coming?"

"Hold on, I know how these things work. I want a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard. I don't want any zombie turkeys. I don't want to turn into a turkey myself and I don't want any other weird surprises."

"You really thought this one out." Norm deadpanned and snapped his fingers.

A sandwich appeared in front of Vicky who picked it up and took a bite. "Mmmm not bad, hot mustard, nice bread, the turkey is a little dry. The Turkey is dry! DAMMIT, DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!" Vicky shrieked flailing about madly before sinking to the floor pounding it with her fist.

"For me to do that you'd have to put, 'I wish' or some facsimile in front of it" Norm said absently.

"Never mind I'm over it." Vicky said as she tossed the uneaten portion of the sandwich away Doidle immediately ripped it apart and ate the turkey. "How about my second wish?"

"Go ahead it's not like it's going to be a surprise."

"I wish to be the undisputed ruler of the World!" Lightning and thunder flash and crackle as Vicky laughed manically.

"Does it always happen when you do that?" Norm asked.

"Sometimes."

"Eh, Whatever." Norm snapped his fingers and Vicky's wish took form Vicky's house became a palace. Cities began to burn and their inhabitants began pushing wheels around for no reason. Everywhere pictures of Vicky replaced national leaders in government offices throughout the world and national flags were replaced with a red banner with a white circle and a black V imposed on the circle. Vicky stood out on the balcony of her bedchamber surveying her domain laughing evilly.

"Well Now that you have made your second wish I'll just go back into the lamp and wait for the inevitable uprising and your third wish." Norm poofed back into the lamp.

It wasn't long before Vicky again summoned Norm. "Let me guess, " he opined, "you have a revolt and you want to wish everything back the way it was, right?"

"Wrong!" Vick shouted as she picked up a machinegun and fired it out the window. "Back to work slaves!" She turned back to Norm. " I suppressed their puny uprising with no problems and was just mopping up the stragglers."

"Then what did you want me for?" Norm was perplexed no one ever was successful with the world domination wish.

"You see that dog over there?" Vicky hitched her thumb over her shoulder at Doidle. "I wish you'd turn him into a handsome, buff, romantic palace guard in a sharp snappy uniform."

"Okay then." Norm poofed Doidle into Vicky's romantic ideal. Doidle now was a man. He stood six foot four and was full of muscles. He wore a sharp black uniform with silver piping stylish V's decorated each uniform lapel. His black jackboots were made of the finest leather and shone with brilliance.

"Well That's your three wishes but before I go is there anything you want me to fix before I go?" Norm asked Vicky who was obviously not interested in what he was saying.

"No go away!"

"Are you sure because I am sure there are a couple of things you are going to want before you embark on your romantic evening.

Vicky thought for a moment, "You're right condoms." Vicky held out her hand still not taking her eyes off the object of her desire.

"Whatever, hope you get some use out of these tonight." Norm poofed some condoms into Vicky's hands then disappeared to parts unknown.

Vicky sauntered to Doidle eyeing him head to toe like a piece of meat. Doidle responded to her machinationsby opening his arms as if to embrace her. That was all Vicky required she leapt into his arms and laid her head against his broad muscular chest. She looked up into his piercing sky blue eyes framed perfectly in his chiseled face and pursed her lips for a kiss.

She was to be rewarded. His lips meet hers and they locked in a vigorous and passionate kiss. They broke only to breath and Vicky overcome with arousal and lust buried her head into the crock of Doidle's neck and shoulder.

Doidle bent his head down slightly and whispered in her ear, "Aren't you sorry you had me fixed now?"

The End

Author's Note: There you have it the first VickyXDoidle fanfiction you probably want to go take a shower now.

Note 2: In case you haven't figure it out this story is a combination of a bawdy Internet email joke, a tiny segment of a Simpson's episode and Norm's explanation of the progression of the wishes a genie grants from Fairy Idol. I don't lay claim to any of these I have far too little creativity to actually make that stuff up but I did put them together and hope you enjoyed reading it.


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